The path to taking one’s revenge out on the person who wronged them can be a long and lonely journey full of death and misery. Such is the path former Confederate soldier turned scarred bounty hunter Jonah Hex (Josh Brolin) takes as he seeks out to avenge the death of his family at the hands of Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich). Turnbull is the old west’s version of today’s lead terrorist Osama bin Laden as Turnbull plans to wipe out Washington D.C. on July 4th using a super weapon equivalent of the 20th century’s atomic bomb.
The trouble with Jonah Hex is it lacks a hero we want to root for and a villain we can’t wait to see get what’s coming to him. Jonah Hex runs a measly 81 minutes. That’s almost the equivalent length of a graphic novel. Yet it feels even longer given the film’s revenge theme. If the characters don’t look like they are enjoying themselves, what makes the filmmakers think the audience will? There is no denying Brolin steals the show as the lead character whose best moments are not the predictably silly action sequences of eye candy where a half-dozen guns are trained on him and Hex successfully picks off the moronic gunmen all at once.
Hex’s supernatural abilities are what piqued my interest as he interrogates rotting corpses who spring back to life at the touch of his hand. Chalk this would-be franchise on that updated list of worst comic book adaptations alongside that other list of lousy television show remakes and lousy remakes of great films. Not even former Transformers hottie Megan Fox cast as Hex’s damsel-in-distress and the town’s local prostitute (like what else would she do? DUH!!!) could save what is already being written off as another summer flop debuting at number six and grossing less than $6 million.
If you don’t want to take my word for it, then perhaps the humorous comment I saw posted on www.imbd.com from a father quoting his nine-year-old kid about the film will convince you. “Dad, this movie sucks, can we please leave?” Enough said.
